Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
