if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
