No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
