I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
