So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
