i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
