Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
