why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
