areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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