I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
