he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
