I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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