Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Yo dont text me then not text me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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