I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
