He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
