All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
