I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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