I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
