i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
being pregnant is like rehab
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
