White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We need a shit load of segways right now
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
