I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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