she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
