she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
