I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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