I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
