it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
