I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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