i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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