walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
