She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
