We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
