All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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