So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
