Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
