i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
