I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
