I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
whose ass print is on the piano?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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