i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
