Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
