Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
