The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
sex in a hospital.. check
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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