She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
