hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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