oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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