I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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