He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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