her vagina looked like bernie madoff
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
