dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
