i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
