I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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