why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
