I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
