I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
