I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
