My hand turned me down
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
