she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
