I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
